I should be sponsored by Trojan
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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