You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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