i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
