Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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