so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
