Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
