I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
