The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
