I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
