im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
