I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
