1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
