maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
