Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
