Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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