It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize