Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
