Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
