i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
