I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
