btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize