Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
