one word: firstdatebathroomanal
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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