Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
