Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I FOUND THE LEGS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
