What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
