remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
