just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
