He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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