I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
