I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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