I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
