Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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