i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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