I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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