I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Semen is not good for contacts.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
