The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
