he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
