Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
