Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
