Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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