I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
