guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
