i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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