I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
