I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
