got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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