Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
