Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
