hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
