I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
