She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
