Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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