I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
