she peed on how many people?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
