theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
