thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
