She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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