I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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