and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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