i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize