you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
