I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
